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Posts from November 2016

The Road to Recovery?

It's been a week. And what a week it has been.  As a reminder, here's where I was a week ago (from my Facebook post):

I can barely put into words how I am feeling, so I'll start by saying that I've been up most of the night, only sleeping for brief periods in between crying jags. I feel gutted, angry, horrified, scared, sad. I am concerned about the welfare of people in this country, especially immigrants, Muslims, people of color, LGBTQ folks and women. I am terrified about the Supreme Court and the impact that the next appointments will have for decades. I am disappointed that I may not live to see a woman president. I am embarrassed for our country. I am struggling to find some degree of hope and strength in all this. I know I will - we all will - in time. Today, I am just going to take solace in the fact that my life's work is to make the world a better place through #probono work, and now, more than ever, we'll need lawyers to fight and keep the rights we all have. I will also take comfort in my amazing friends and family (and my dog) who are all still here, still standing, and are all supporting each other.

So, where am I now? I'm not crying, although I've lost it once or twice (once after seeing Kate McKinnon as Hillary singing "Hallelujah" and once when some random dude with a guitar on the subway started singing it), and I've been sleeping, so that's good. But I'm exhausted. If I could stay in bed and/or work from home every day, I would. I have been eating my feelings (ordered Thai take-out twice last week), feeling overwhelmed by the slightest tasks (laundry?!! Are you fucking kidding me?!). I want to be with friends but I want to be alone. One minute I'm outraged and inspired and all excited that my work is right in the wheelhouse of what needs to be done and the next I want to curl up and ignore everything and everyone and hope that someone else will just take care of me and all the stuff I need to do for a while.   It's not great.

All I've been able to do is take care of the most important adult things I need to (dug out the notice of the transfer of my mortgage services out of the stack of mail and re-enrolled in auto-pay), show up at work (and keep things moving forward in the face of my coordinator giving notice), ease up on eating everything that's not pinned down, and try to exercise.  I've had some happy moments in the last week, but also moments of deep despair. And discussion of the election is everywhere with everyone, so there's really no escape.

One day at a time, folks. One day at a time. I'm hoping the balance will tip at some point in the future, even if it's months out, and the inspiration and energy to take action will take over. #riseup (for all of my Hamilton-obsessed friends)