Split Pea Soup from Hell

So Monday morning I head off to work, my slow cooker loaded with the makings of this split pea soup.  I set it for eight hours on low, and off I went.  When I came home, I was surprised to find that it hadn't switched itself to "warm" mode, but was completely off, and the soup was underdone.  I put it on for a few more hours, but put the soup in the fridge before I headed off to bed.  Oddly, I woke up stupidly early the next morning, so I took out the slow cooker, put the soup on high with the idea that I could finish it and then take some to work, and fell back asleep until my alarm went off. 

Before getting in the shower, I checked the soup, declared it done, but wasn't thrilled with the consistency.  I pulled out the large pork shoulder bones and the meat and then gave it a quick buzz with the immersion blender.  All was going well when suddenly, soup splattered EVERYWHERE and the blender stopped.  Now, my kitchen is not that big, and when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere.  Surveying the damage, I decided that I should ladle the soup into containers and move the slow cooker so that I could clean up.  I inspected the immersion blender and noticed that a small (maybe 1-1 1/2") piece of bone had gotten caught in it.  Argh. 

I began ladling the soup into quart containers and in my caffeine-deprived, irritated state, I somehow managed to ladle scalding hot soup ONTO MY HAND.  Shrieking, I put down the ladle, spun around to the sink, and ran cold water on it.  In that moment with my hand throbbing in agony and soup all over my kitchen, I couldn't help it -- the tears started flowing.  I somehow managed to clean up while giving my hand doses of cold water, and I even managed to pack a small container of soup for lunch.

Later that day, after several doses of Advil, with my hand wrapped in magical burn band-aids (seriously -- it's healing wonderfully thanks to these beauties), I tasted the devil soup.  It was quite tasty, I'll admit, but I did find tiny pieces of bone in it.  That said, I can now see the humor in the whole situation.  I should have taken some pictures for you all . . .

Comments

[Tammy]

Reason #10 for never eating split pea soup! Sorry about your hand.

[joaquin ochoa]

Hey! Hope the hand is well. Maybe you can play the sympathy card a bit with friends...can you cut my food? I can't cook because of my hand...will you take me to dinner? Also, not sure if you started to cry because of the pain in your hand or other unseen reasons? If for a combination of things and the burned hand...don't be so hard on yourself, Kid. Nobody is perfect and life is queer with its twists and turns. As for the soup...you should know that it takes years or several tries to perfect one. Good vibes from the UWS...HOLLA!

[Mom#1]

Poor baby - let me buy YOU a cocktail! Hopefully the burned hand wasn't your drinking hand. . .

[Jenna]

Not the best way to start the day - I'm so sorry about your hand!

[C. Spencer Beggs]

You have to be careful with haywire slow cookers because you can get really sick. A partially warm slow cooker is the perfect environment for bacteria to breed. I always heard that if your slow cooker goes off and more than two hours have elapsed, you should throw it out. If you come across the slow cooker and less than two hours have elapsed you can put the food on the stove or in the oven. Turning the slow cooker back on, however, won't help with either food safety or the consistency.